I told a few friends that I might be gay, and it leaked out somehow and now the whole school knows. I haven’t even told my mom yet! What should i do? Some people are like, ‘yea, whatever’ and others like ‘ew gross!’ I just graduated from the 8th grade so kids don’t have much tolerance.
You are in a bit of a bind, but you should try to make concrete allies with people you can trust. If you appeal to the supportive people by telling them that you are a bit afraid and you need their support, they will probably relate and be happy to be supportive.
Have you thought about what your mother would say when she finds out? What are some possible scenarios? My friends all knew for a year before I told my mom. Chances are good that she won’t find out. Then again, you could get it over with and tell her too!!
Mostly, don’t panic, keep in touch. You can also call the gay and lesbian national hotline toll free if you need someone to talk to about what you should do. They are great and would love to get a call from you.
This is my first time writing to you guys. I have read all the emails people have sent to you. Now I’m writing to you for help. I live in Las Vegas. I’m an 11th grader at a high school that is full of Mormons and homophobics who think making fun of gays and lesbians is entertainment. I have been rejected and suffered way too much. Well what im writing to you about is: how do I get the confidence to like myself? Ever since people started accusing me of being gay (but they did know I was) they have been treating me differently and I don’t have the strength to go on. I try liking myself but the more I do I get shut down by them and their hateful words. What kind of advice can you give me to help me survive high school? I tried talking to counselors but if you snitch you will get beat up. It looks like the only way out is something I can do to keep myself encouraged and this is where I ask you. Please help!
It sounds like you are having a very shitty time. I for one can remember going through exactly the same things you describe when I was in grade 11. There are no easy answers for you. Things may get easier and they may also get more difficult. But one thing you have to realize is that while you may have 1.5 more miserable years of highschool, things will get much better after that. We haven’t met anyone who would disagree. The 1.5 years will make you stronger and more resilient. Also, things during that 1.5 years may actually look up. You might meet someone and have a relationship, ya never know.
Jacob, it’s obvious that you do love yourself, or you wouldn’t have written to us. We love you too. Everyone who is giving you hard time isn’t doing it cuz they hate you, they are doing it because they don’t want to be the target themselves. They hate themselves more than anything else. They are also afraid people will realize they are thinking about boys late at night if they don’t all act tough and use you to show they could never be like that. The biggest bullies are always the gayest. If you believe this you can hear panic in their voice when they are cruel to others. That doesn’t really help you figure out how to not be their target, but maybe it will arm you in some way. When I had someone at work who kept making fun of gay people (before I came out) I started asking him “Why are you so curious and obsessed about gay people?” I asked him in private/semi-private situations so he wouldnt feel the need to beat me up, but it sent the message that I was recognizing his weaknesses and indicated the next step would be a more public questioning. You could try stuff like this but chances are it only has about a 50% chance of working. Cruel people are cruel because they are sad and that sadness doesn’t go away easily.
I would also suggest finding a friend either in shcool or out of school that you can count on for help. I would suggest going to the Gay and Lesbian Community Center in Las Vegas and saying hi and asking for resources. There are groups of people your age in Las Vegas, and it might help to get connected somehow. If you don’t think counselors will be helpful, or you are too scared, don’t bother with them. But keep in mind they are there to help.
Keep in touch with us. Don’t be scared, don’t be shy, and don’t worry. I can’t even remember all the shit that happened in hishschool. Your life will get better. Focus on getting good grades. And lastly, dont listen do a word those motherfuckers say to you or about you. They are weak and dumb.